George Carlin Strikes Again

1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him
around several times, does he become disoriented?

2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why
aren't people from Holland called Holes?

3. Why do we say something is out of whack?
What's a whack?

4. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults
enjoy adultery?

5. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

6. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

7. When someone asks you, "A penny for your
thoughts" and you put your two cents in . . . what
happens to the other penny?

8. Why is the man who invests all your money
called a broker?

9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages?
Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

10. When cheese gets its picture taken, what
does it say?

11. Why is a person who plays the piano called a
pianist but a person who drives a race car not
called a racist?

12. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

13. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite
things?

14. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety
one?

15. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in
the English language. Could it be that "I do" is
the longest sentence?

16. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked,
doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted,
musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed,
tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

17. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they
call it Fed UP?

18. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

19. What hair color do they put on the driver's
licenses of bald men?

20. I was thinking about how people seem to read
the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then
it dawned on me . . they're cramming for their final
exam.

21. I thought about how mothers feed their babies
with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered
what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

22. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in
the Post Office? What are we supposed to do,
write to them? Why don't they just put their
pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen
can look for them while they deliver the mail?

23. If it's true that we are here to help others,
then what exactly are the others here for?

24. No one ever says, "It's only a game" when
their team is winning.

25. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning
would be if it didn't zigzag?

26. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast.
The mime next door went nuts.

27. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of
her nose?

28. Whatever happened to Preparations A
through G?