Sunday, June 29, 2008

Fun on the Web June 29 '08 Quote

Cocaine is God's way of saying that you're making
way too much money. ~~ Robin Williams

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Fun on the Web June 28 '08 Unusual Museums

You have to scroll past ads but this online collection
of unusual museums is amazing; everything from
antique lacy glass buttons to advertising tins to
Victorian old penny novelties and Edwardian
games of skill and fun.
http://www.ringsurf.com/ring/museum/

Friday, June 27, 2008

George Carlin Strikes Again

1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him
around several times, does he become disoriented?

2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why
aren't people from Holland called Holes?

3. Why do we say something is out of whack?
What's a whack?

4. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults
enjoy adultery?

5. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

6. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

7. When someone asks you, "A penny for your
thoughts" and you put your two cents in . . . what
happens to the other penny?

8. Why is the man who invests all your money
called a broker?

9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages?
Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

10. When cheese gets its picture taken, what
does it say?

11. Why is a person who plays the piano called a
pianist but a person who drives a race car not
called a racist?

12. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

13. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite
things?

14. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety
one?

15. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in
the English language. Could it be that "I do" is
the longest sentence?

16. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked,
doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted,
musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed,
tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

17. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they
call it Fed UP?

18. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

19. What hair color do they put on the driver's
licenses of bald men?

20. I was thinking about how people seem to read
the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then
it dawned on me . . they're cramming for their final
exam.

21. I thought about how mothers feed their babies
with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered
what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

22. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in
the Post Office? What are we supposed to do,
write to them? Why don't they just put their
pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen
can look for them while they deliver the mail?

23. If it's true that we are here to help others,
then what exactly are the others here for?

24. No one ever says, "It's only a game" when
their team is winning.

25. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning
would be if it didn't zigzag?

26. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast.
The mime next door went nuts.

27. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of
her nose?

28. Whatever happened to Preparations A
through G?

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Fun on the Web June 25 '08 Root Beer

Back in the day, my sister and I often were visitors
to the kitchen view of an A & W Rootbeer stand that
was owned by a friend of our Dad. We would get to
sip an icy cold root beer on a Saturday night while
they talked (probably about jazz) and we watched
the bustle of the workers trying to keep up with a
constant stream of hot & thirsty customers.

Imagine my trip down memory lane as I looked at
this article in the NY Times:
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/25/dining/25root.html


Where I found out about this site reviewing 371
kinds of one of my favorite beverages
http://rootbeerbarrel.com/

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Fun on the Web June 24 '08 Joke

You are in the middle of some kind of project
around the house. Mowing the lawn, putting a
new fence in, painting the living room, or what-
ever. You are hot and sweaty. Covered in dirt
or paint. You have your old work clothes on.
You know the outfit, shorts with the hole in
crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who
knows what, and an old pair of tennis shoes.

Right in the middle of this great home
improvement project you realize you need
to run to Wal-Mart to get something to help
complete the job. Depending on your age
you might do the following.

In your 20s:Stop what you are doing. Shave,
take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your
teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check
yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of
your favorite cologne because you never know,
you just might meet some hot chick while
standing in the checkout lane. You went to
school with the pretty girl running the register.

In your 30s:Stop what you are doing, put on clean
shorts and shirt. Change shoes. You married the
hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your
hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the
mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite
cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running
the register is the kid sister to someone you went
to school with.

In your 40s:Stop what you are doing. Put a sweat-
shirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the
crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a
hat. Wash your hands Your bottle of Brute Cologne
is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it
on a trip to Wal-Mart. Check yourself in the mirror
and do more sucking in than flexing. The spicy
young thing running the register is your daughter's
age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.

In your 50s:Stop what you are doing Put a hat on,
wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt.
Change shoes because you don't want to get dirt
in your new sports car. Check yourself in the
mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt
anymore because it makes you look fat. The
Cutie running the register smiles when she
sees you coming and you think you still have it.
Then you remember the hat you have on is from
your buddy's bait shop and it says, "I Got Worms".

In your 60s:Stop what you are doing. No need for
a hat anymore. Hose off the dog crap off your shoes.
The mirror was shattered when you were in your
50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing
hangs out the hole in your pants. The girl running
the register may be cute but you don't have your
glasses on so you are not sure.

In your 70s:Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to
Wal-Mart until they have your prescriptions ready
too. Don't' even notice the dog crap on your shoes.
The young thing at the register smiles at you
because you remind her of her grandfather.

In your 80s:Stop what you are doing. Start again.
Then stop again. Now you remember that you
needed to go to Wal-Mart. Go to Wal-Mart and
wander around trying to think what it is you are
looking for. Fart out loud and you think someone
called out your name. The old lady that greeted
you at the front door went to school with you.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Fun on the Web June 22 '08 Joke

"Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a"
A woman from New York was driving through a
remote part of Arizona when her car broke down.

An Indian on horseback came along and offered
her a ride to a nearby town. He helped her up
behind him on the horse and they rode off. The
ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes
the Indian would let out a "Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a"
so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills.

When they arrived in town, he let her off at the
local service station, yelled one final
"Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!" and rode off.

"What did you do to get that Indian so excited?"
asked the service-station attendant.

"Nothing," the woman answered. "I merely sat
behind him on the horse, put my arms around
his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I
wouldn't fall off."

"Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles."

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Fun on the Web June 19 '08 FBI Raid on Metal

"A dozen people around the country filed suit in
U.S. District Court in Idaho this week demanding
the return of all the copper, silver, gold, and
platinum coins — more than seven tons of metal
in all — that the FBI and Secret Service seized in
November during raids of a mint in Idaho and a
strip mall storefront in Indiana."

For more info on this afront to our freedoms see
http://www.nysun.com/national/government-is-sued-over-seizure-of-liberty-dollars/80368/

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Fun on the Web June 18 '08 Joke

The Hair Cut
One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut.
After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber
replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing
community service this week.'

The florist was pleased and left the shop. When
the barber goes to open his shop the next morning
there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting
for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries
to pay his bill, the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept
money from you. I'm doing community service this week.'

The cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning
when the barber goes to open up there is a 'thank you'
card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Later that day, a college professor comes in for a haircut,
and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies,
'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community
service this week.'

The professor is very happy and leaves the shop. The
next morning when the barber opens his shop, there
is a 'thank you' card and a dozen different books, such
as "How To Improve Your Business and Becoming
More Successful".

Then, a Congressman comes in for a haircut, and when
he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies, 'I cannot
accept money from you. I'm doing community service
this week.'

The Congressman is very happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open up,
there are a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for
a free haircut. And that, my friends, illustrates the
fundamental difference between the citizens of our
country and the members of our Congress.

Vote carefully this year.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Fun on the Web June 17 '08 Joke

Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other,
and finally they got married, and had a little sweet
potato, which they called 'Yam.'

Of course, they wanted the best for Yam.

When it was time, they told her about the facts of life.
They warned her about going out and getting half-baked,
so she wouldn't get accidentally mashed, and get a bad
name for herself like 'Hot Potato,' and end up with a
bunch of Tater Tots.

Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get her into the
sack and make a rotten potato out of her!

But on the other hand she wouldn't stay home and become
a Couch Potato either. She would get plenty of exercise
so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring cousins.

When she went off to Europe, Mr and Mrs. Potato told Yam
to watch out for the hard-boiled guys from Ireland. And
the greasy guys from France called the French Fries. And
when she went out west, to watch out for the Indians so
she wouldn't get scalloped.

Yam said she would stay on the straight and narrow and
wouldn't associate with those high class Yukon Golds,
or the ones from the other side of the tracks who
advertise their trade on all the trucks that say,
'Frito Lay.'

Mr. and Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U. (that's
Potato University ) so that when she graduated she'd
really be in the Chips. But in spite of all they did
for her, one-day Yam came home and announced she was
going to marry Tom Brokaw.

Tom Brokaw!

Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset.

They told Yam she couldn't possibly marry Tom Brokaw
because he's just......

Are you ready for this?

Are you sure?

*

*

OK! Here it is!

*

*

*

*

A COMMONTATER

Monday, June 16, 2008

Fun on the Web June 16 '08 Cocktails

Becks wants to hear from you and while you are
there, enter the sweepstakes for a portable bar
or MP3 speaker tower.
http://www.becksbeer.com/lda.aspx?ReturnUrl=%2fdefault.aspx

or if Vodka is more your style, checkout the 400+
cocktail recipes arranged by flavor.
http://www.threeolives.com/

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Fun on the Web June 15 '08 The Donalds Restaurant

If you are the big winner in Vegas you may want
to try "The Donalds" restaurant with seasonal New
American Cuisine courtesy of the Executive Chef
Joe Isidori. The elegance of the setting is just one
more reason to enjoy this new dining delight which
includes caviar, cognac, champagne, plus 27 sakes,
signature cocktails, 52 top-flight beers, and 25
microbrewed sodas.
http://www.trumplasvegashotel.com/Food_Wine/djt.asp

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Fun on the Web June 14 '08 Digital Art

Inspiring digital art with their interactive tools
and introducing a progressive new generation
of artists to the public through the website, this
group is also sponsoring a few events across the
country. See if they have one near you:
http://www.86collective.org/

Friday, June 13, 2008

Fun on the Web June 13 '08 Superstition

Anyone superstitious about today? It would be
Paraskevidekatriaphobia or Triskaidekaphobia
if you are really afraid.

Said to date back to the Last Supper by some and
that if 13 sit down to dinner, all will die within the
year by others, this fear includes no 13th floor in
many building and no 13th Street or 13th Avenue
in many towns.

The Chinese regard the number as lucky, as did
ancient Eqyptians and other prehistoric goddess-
worshiping cultures. A recent study by the Dutch
Centre for Insurance Statistics also concluded that
Friday the 13th is not more unlucky than other
Fridays and that there are fewer incidents of fire,
accident, and theft.

For more on the superstitions surrounding Friday
the 13th see:
http://people.howstuffworks.com/friday-thirteenth.htm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friday_the_13th
http://www.snopes.com/luck/friday13.asp
http://www.infoplease.com/spot/friday13th.html
http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2004/02/0212_040212_friday13.html

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Fun on the Web June 12 '08 GOOG-411

To look up a business or store on your cell phone
or house phone, and save the charges you could
rack up, for heaven’s sake, dial 800-GOOG-411
instead. If its a residential number you can dial
800-FREE411.

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Fun on the Web June 7 '08 Funnies

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to
see it, do the other trees make fun of it?

Why is carrot more orange than an orange?

When two airplanes almost collide why do they
call it a near miss? It sounds like a near hit to me!

Do fish get cramps after eating?

Why are there five syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?

Why do they call it the Department of Interior
when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

How come Superman could stop bullets with his
chest, but always ducked when someone threw a
gun at him?

If "con" is the opposite of "pro," what is the
opposite of progress?

Friday, June 6, 2008

Fun on the Web June 6 '08 Funnies

If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed
to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

Why do you press harder on the remote-control
when you know the battery is dead?

Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians
throw hamburgers?

Why are they called buildings when they are
already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?

Why are they called apartments, when they're all
stuck together?

Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds
fee" on money they already know you don't have?

If you got into a taxi and the driver started
driving backward, would the taxi driver end
up owing you money?

What would a chair look like if your knees bent
the other way?

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Fun on the Web June 5 '08 Funnies

If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what
do you pack it in?

I just got skylights put in my place.
The people who live above me are furious.

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped
people at the Special Olympics?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they
taste funny?

If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an
"s" in it?

Since light travels faster that sound, isn't that why some
people appear bright until you hear them speak?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Fun on the Web June 4 '08 Funnies

When someone asks you, "A penny for your
thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what
happens to the other penny?

Why is the man who invests all your money called
a broker?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages?
It's just stale bread to begin with.

When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?

Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one? "I am." is
reportedly the shortest sentence in the English
language. Could it be that "I Do." is the longest
sentence?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked,
doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted,
musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models
deposed, tree surgeons debarked and drycleaners
depressed?

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around
several times, does he become disoriented?

If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't
people from Holland called "Holes?"

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide,
is that considered a hostage situation?

Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if
sponges didn't live there.

Whatever happened to preparations A through G?

I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me
how long I'd be gone. I said, "The whole time."

So what is the speed of dark?

After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour
before getting OUT of the water?

Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Monday, June 2, 2008

Fun on the Web June 2 '08 Warning

This just happened to my co-worker this weekend.
The State Police advised him to report it to the nearest
Secretary of State, and it only cost $5.00 for a new plate.

Keep an Eye on your license plate. Pass it on to those you
know. Thanks!

A woman said her son found his license plate missing so
he called the police to file a report. They told him people
were stealing the plates to get free gas. Given the rise in
gas prices, people have taken to stealing license plates,
putting them on their car, then getting gas and running.

The gas station will have 'your' license plate # and you
could be in trouble for 'pump and run.' Check your car
periodically to be sure you still have a plate. If you
should find it missing, file a report immediately!!!

Keep an eye on your license plate! Make sure you always
know it's there! When the license plate is reported as the
'drive off vehicle,' it's YOU they contact! Be aware!!!!

Be aware of your license plates, most of us never look to
see if the plates are there or not.