Sunday, August 31, 2008

Fun on the Web Aug 31 '08 Late Night Quips

Recent Quips from Late Night
"The theme of the Democratic Convention is unity. Unfortunately they can't agree on how that works." --David Letterman

"This Thursday, Barack Obama is gonna give his acceptance speech, and reportedly it's going to include performances by Bon Jovi and Bruce Springsteen. Yeah. And they say Obama's not black enough!" --Conan O'Brien

"As you all know by now, Barack Obama sent out a cell phone text message at 3 a.m. on Saturday morning to tell everyone he picked Joe Biden as his vice president. How do you think this makes Hillary Clinton feel, huh? Finally, she gets a telephone call at 3 a.m., it's to tell her they picked Joe Biden." --Jay Leno

"Joe Biden is Barack Obama's running mate. Yeah nothing says change like a guy who's been in the Senate for 35 years" --David Letterman

"Tomorrow night at the Democratic Convention to show her support for Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton is going to give a speech. Everyone's waiting to hear what she says, yeah. Hillary's speech is entitled, 'Forget All Those Things I Said During The Primaries.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Although Joe Biden is in great physical condition, Republicans are raising questions about his health now. I guess he had a brain aneurysm a couple of years ago. Hey, you can't expect every vice president to be the picture of health like Dick Cheney." --Jay Leno

"The current issue of Newsweek magazine has a picture of President Bush on the cover with the headline, 'What Bush Got Right.' Yeah, it's true. Newsweek says 'What Bush Got Right' is their shortest cover story since January's issue on famous Korean rabbis." --Conan O'Brien

"As you know, John McCain is an older, white-haired man who has been in the Senate for over twenty years, voted for the Iraq War, and said Barack Obama did not have the experience to be president. I'm sorry, that's our intro for next week when Joe Biden is on, I got confused." --Jay Leno

"How about this John Edwards thing? Imagine that, a personal injury attorney who turns out to be a sleaze ball. Who could have seen that coming?" --Jay Leno

"John Edwards has admitted to having an affair, but he's denying that he is the father of the woman's baby. In fact, he says a member of his campaign staff is the baby's father. Campaign staff, how does that work? What, was Edwards running late that day? Huh? Had to send an advance man in? 'Look, I can’t have sex with you. I'm sending Bob down." --Jay Leno

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Fun on the Web Aug 27 '08 funny

A woman I know had a dog who appeared very sick so she finally took him to the vet. The vet examined the dog turned to my lady friend and said, "I'm sorry, but your dog is dead."

Well the lady had had this dog for many, many years and just could not accept it was gone so she argued a bit with the doctor- "No, no, he's not dead, he's just gotten hard of hearing and doesn't move very fast anymore, that's why you didn't get any response!"

Well, the vet looked at her sadly for a minute, and then said, " Well, there is one thing I can do that will prove once and for all if your dog is dead or not."

Reaching behind him, he pulled a cat out of a crate and waved back and forth in front of the dog's nose. Nothing. He peeled back one of the dog's eyelids and waved the cat back and forth for the dog to see. Nothing.

Finally, he held the cat by one of the dog's ears, pinched the cat and made it yowl- right in the dog's ear. Nothing. The vet put the cat back in the crate, turned to the lady and said, "I'm sorry, there is nothing I can do, the dog is dead. Please see my secretary on the way out."

The poor lady finally had to accept the inevitable and sadly shuffled out to the secretary's desk. The secretary said, I'm sorry about your dog. That will be $250."

That was enough to shock the poor lady out of her grief and she exclaimed, "$250! Whatever for?"

"Well", said the secretary, "It's $50 for the doctor's visit, and $200 for the cat scan."

Monday, August 25, 2008

Fun on the Web Aug 25 '08 Funny

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman.
One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to
ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money
if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child.

If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide
child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but asked
how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it
discreet, he told her to simply mail him a postcard and write
'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for the
child support payments to begin.

One day, about 6 months later, he came home to his confused
wife. "Honey," she said, "you received a very strange post card

"Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said. The wife
obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white,
and fainted.

On the card was written: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti,
Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Three with meatballs, two without. Send
extra sauce."

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Fun on the Web Aug 24 '08 Born 1920-1979

Those Born 1920-1979

VERY WELL STATED TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the 1930's, 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's!!

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes. Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.

As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, booster seats, seat belts or air bags. Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank Kool-aid made with sugar, but we weren't overweight because, WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING! We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's, no surround-sound or CD's, no cell phones, no personal computer! s, no Internet or chat rooms....... WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents. We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever. We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them! Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law! These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL! If YOU are one of them. CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives for our own good.

While you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave (and lucky) their parents were. Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?!

The quote of the month is by Jay Leno: 'With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?'

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Fun on the Web Aug 19 '08 Chinese Proverbs


Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.

Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

Foolish man give wife grand piano,
wise man give wife upright organ.

Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.

Baseball is wrong:
man with four balls cannot walk.

Man who fart in church sit in own pew.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Fun on the Web Aug 18 '08 Trivia


In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of thumb"
Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.
The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S. Treasury.
Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.
Coca-Cola was originally green.
It is impossible to lick your elbow.
The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work:
The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this...)
The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven:
The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any given hour:
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.
The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:
Spades - King David Hearts - Charlemagne Clubs -Alexander, the Great Diamonds - Julius Caesar
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A. Their birthplace
Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?
A. Obsession
Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"?
A. One thousand
Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?
A. All were invented by women.
Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A. Honey
Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year?
A. Father's Day
In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes.
When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... "goodnight, sleep tight."
It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.
In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England , when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them "Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down."
It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"
Many years ago in England , pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.
At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!
Don't delete this just because it looks weird. Believe it or not, you can read it.
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?
1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Fun on the Web Aug 16 '08 Joke

Thanks to Erin for this gem

The Wal-Mart Greeter
A very loud, very unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into Wal-Mart with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
The Wal-Mart Greeter said pleasantly "Good morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "Hell no they ain't. The older one's 9 and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?"
"I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am," replied the greeter "I just couldn't believe you got laid twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart."

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Fun on the Web Aug 14 '08 Feel Good

Think about them one at a time before going on to the next one. It Does Make You Feel Good, especially the thought at the end of #44.

1. Falling in love.
2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.
3. A hot shower.
4. No lines at the supermarket
5. A special glance.
6. Getting mail.
7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.
8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio.
9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.
11. Chocolate milkshake (vanilla or strawberry).
12. A bubble bath.
13. Giggling.
15. The beach.
16. Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter.
17. Laughing at yourself.
18. Looking into their eyes and knowing they Love you
19. Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
20. Running through sprinklers.
21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
22. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.
23. Laughing at an inside joke with FRIENDS
24. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.
25. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.
26. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner).
27. Making new friends or spending time with old ones.
28. Playing with a new puppy.
29. Having someone play with your hair.
30. Sweet dreams.
31. Hot chocolate.
32. Road trips with friend s.
33. Swinging on swings.
34. Making eye contact with a cute stranger.
35. Making chocolate chip cookies.
36. Having your friends send you homemade cookies.
37. Holding hands with someone you care about.
38. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change.
39. Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you.
40. Watching the sunrise.
41. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day.
42. Knowing that somebody misses you.
43. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply.
44. Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter what other people think.

Pass on These Natural Highs to at Least 7 People in the Next Half Hour and Something Fantastic Will Happen to You in the Next Few Hours.
Be sure to send it back to the person who sent it to you!

Lord, keep Your arm around my shoulder and Your hand over my mouth .

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Fun on the Web Aug 13 '08 Funny


Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.

Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out!

Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.

Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.

When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, 'You make me want to be a better person. '

Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat

A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total st rangers in elevators.

When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him, without opening your mouth.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Fun on the Web Aug 12 '08 Funny

Real Classified Ads

8 years old. Hateful little bastard. Bites!

1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.

Mother, AKC German Shepherd.
Father, Super to leap tall fences in a single bound.

Looks like a rat. Been out a while.
Better be a big reward.

Also 1 gay bull for sale.

$300 Hardly used, call Chubby.

California grown - 89 cents lb.

Must sell washer and dryer $300.

Worn once by mistake . Call Stephanie.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Fun on the Web Aug 11 '08 Joke

Subject: computer's gender
A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish,
unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'
'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

A student asked, 'What gender is'computer'?'
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups,
male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether
computer' should be a masculine or afeminine noun. Each group was
asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer'should definitely be of the
feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:
1 No one but their creator understands their internallogic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers
is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long termmemory for
possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you findyourself
spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.


The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be
Masculine ('el computador'), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time
they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited
a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Fun on the Web Aug 10 '08 Joke

A woman asks her husband, 'Would you like some bacon and eggs? A slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit and coffee?'

He declines. 'Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It's this Viagra,' he says. 'It's really taken the edge off my appetite.'

At lunchtime she asked him if he would like something.' A bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?'

He declines. 'The Viagra,' he says, 'really trashes my desire for food.'

Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. 'Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?'

He declines again. 'No,' he says, 'it's got to be the Viagra . . . I'm still not hungry.'

Well,' she says, 'Would you mind letting me up? I'm starving.'

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Fun on the Web Aug 9 '08 Joke

A Touching Home Depot Story

Charlie was fixing a door and found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent his wife Mary to Home Depot. At Home Depot, Mary saw a beautiful bathroom faucet while she was waiting for Walt, (the manager) to finish waiting on a customer.

When Walt was finished, Mary asked 'How much for that faucet?'

Walt replied, 'That's pewter and it costs $300.'

My goodness that sure is a lot Mary exclaimed. Then she proceeded to describe the hinge that Charlie had sent her to buy, and Walt went to the back room to find it. From the back room Walt yelled, 'Mary, you wanna screw for that hinge?'

Mary replied, 'No, but I will for the faucet.'

This is why you can't send a woman to Home Depot

Friday, August 8, 2008

Fun on the Web Aug 8 '08 Men vs Women

If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Fun on the Web Aug 7 '08 Now & Then

SCHOOL -- 1957 vs. 2007

Scenario: Jack goes quail hunting before school,
pulls into school parking lot with shotgun in gun
1957 - Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack's
shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to
show Jack.
2007 - School goes into lock down, FBI called,
Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or
gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized
students and teachers.

Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight
after school.
1957 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and
Mark shake hands and end up buddies.
2007 - Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests
Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both
expelled even though Johnny started it.

Scenario: Jeffrey won't be still in class, disrupts
other students.
1957 - Jeffrey sent to office and given a good
paddling by the Principal. Returns to class, sits
still and does not disrupt class again.
2007 - Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin.
Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADD. School gets
extra money from state because Jeffrey has a

Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his neighbor's
car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.
1957 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up
normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful
2007 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy
removed to foster care and joins a gang. State
psychologist tells Billy's sister that she remembers
being abused herself and their dad goes to prison.
Billy's mom has affair with psychologist.

Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some
aspirin to school.
1957 - Mark shares aspirin with Principal out on the
smoking dock.
2007 - Police called, Mark expelled from school for
drug violations. Car searched for drugs and weapons.

Scenario: Pedro fails high school English.
1957 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English,
goes to college.
2007 - Pedro's cause is taken up by state. Newspaper
articles appear nationally explaining that teaching
English as a requirement for graduation is racist.
ACLU files class action lawsuit against state school
system and Pedro's English teacher. English banned
from core curriculum. Pedro given diploma anyway
but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he
cannot speak English.

Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers
from 4th of July, puts them in a model airplane paint
bottle, blows up a red ant bed.
1957 - Ants die.
2007- BATF, Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny
charged with domestic terrorism, FBI investigates
parents, siblings removed from home, computers
confiscated, Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch list
and is never allowed to fly again.

Scenario: Johnny falls while running during recess
and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher,
Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him.
1957 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes
on playing.
2007 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator
and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison.
Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy.

This should hit everyone to show how stupid we have
become! And if we do not wake up and take our country
back - WE will not have a country , nor a society to grow
old in or for our children to grow up in Think about it !

Monday, August 4, 2008

Fun on the Web Aug 4 '08 Ads


An ad in the classified section of our local paper offered for sale
a "Chip & Dale mahogany table" -- it's got to be one of a kind!


For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and
large drawers.


From book of strange and amusing headlines. "Antique Dealer
Thought Schoolgirl Was Older"


"Antique Stripper to Display Wares at Store"


"We buy junk and sell antiques."

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Fun on the Web Aug 3 '08 Joke

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?

When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

If electricity comes from electrons... does that mean that morality comes from morons?

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Fun on the Web Aug 2 '08 Funny

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.

Banning the bra was a big flop.

A pessimist's blood type is always B-negative.

My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just kiln time.

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.