Thursday, September 25, 2008

Fun on the Web Sept 25 '08 Dogs


* Combine a Pointer with a Setter to get a traditional
Christmas pet, the Pointsetter.

* Would you get a dog for visionaries if you bred a Kerry
Blue Terrier with a Skye Terrier so it came out as a Blue

* Merge a Great Pyrenees and a Dachshund and you'd get
a Pyradachs, a puzzling breed.

* Breed a Pekinese with a Lhasa Apso to get a Peekasso,
an abstract dog.

* Mix an Irish Water Spaniel with an English Springer
Spaniel to create an Irish Springer, a dog that's fresh
and clean as a whistle!

* Research scientists would choose to blend a Labrador
Retriever with a Curly Coated Retriever to make a Lab
Coat Retriever.

* Combine a Newfoundland and a Basset Hound to make
a Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors.

* If you bred a Terrier with a Bulldog that would be a
Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes.

* To get a dog that you can't shut up, mix a Bloodhound
with a Labrador to make a Blabrador.

* If you combine a Malamute and a Pointer, that would be
a Moot Point, a dog that ... ah ... umm ... oh well, doesn't

* Finally, breed a Collie with a Malamute to create a
Commute, a dog that will travel to work with you.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Fun on the Web Sept 21 '08 Hmmmm

Got this in my e-mail today... Thought I'd share

* If you're a minority and you're selected for a job over more qualified candidates you're a "token hire."

* If you're a conservative and you're selected for a job over more qualified candidates you're a "game changer."

* Black teen pregnancies? A "crisis" in black America .

* White teen pregnancies? A "blessed event."

* If you grow up in Hawaii you're "exotic."

* Grow up in Alaska eating mooseburgers, you're the quintessential "American story."

* Similarly, if you name you kid Barack you're "unpatriotic."

* Name your kid Track, you're "colorful."

* If you're a Democrat and you make a VP pick without fully vetting the individual you're "reckless."

* A Republican who doesn't fully vet is a "maverick."

* If you spend 3 years as a community organizer growing your organization from a staff of 1 to 13 and your budget from $70,000 to $400,000, then become the first black President of the Harvard Law Review, create a voter registration drive that registers 150,000 new African Amerian voters, spend 12 years as a Constitutional Law professor, then spend nearly 8 more years as a State Senator representing a district with over 750,000 people, becoming chairman of the state Senate's Health and Human Services committee, then spend nearly 4 years in the United States Senate representing a state of nearly 13 million people, sponsoring 131 bills and serving on the Foreign Affairs, Environment and Public Works and Veteran's Affairs committees, you are woefully inexperienced.

* If you spend 4 years on the city council and 6 years as the mayor of a town with less than 7,000 people, then spend 20 months as the governor of a state with 650,000 people, then you've got the most executive experience of anyone on either ticket, are the Commander in Chief of the Alaska military and are well qualified to lead the nation should you be called upon to do so because your state is the closest state to Russia.

* If you are a Democratic male candidate who is popular with millions of people you are an "arrogant celebrity."

* If you are a popular Republican female candidate you are "energizing the base."

* If you are a younger male candidate who thinks for himself and makes his own decisions you are "presumptuous."

* If you are an older male candidate who makes last minute decisions you refuse to explain, you are a "shoot from the hip" maverick.

* If you are a candidate with a Harvard law degree you are "an elitist-out of touch" with the real America .

* if you are a legacy (dad and granddad were admirals) graduate of Annapolis , with multiple disciplinary infractions you are a hero.

* If you manage a multi-million dollar nationwide campaign, you are an "empty suit."

* If you are a part time mayor of a town of 7000 people, you are an "experienced executive."

* If you go to a south side Chicago church, your beliefs are "extremist."

* If you believe in creationism and don't believe global warming is man made, you are "strongly principled."

* If you cheated on your first wife with a rich heiress, and left your disfigured wife and married the heiress the next month, you're a Christian.

* If you have been married to the same woman with whom you've been wed to for 19 years and raising 2 beautiful daughters with, you're "risky."

* If you're a black single mother of 4 who waits for 22 hours after her water breaks to seek medical attention, you're an irresponsible parent, endangering the life of your unborn child.

* But if you're a white married mother who waits 22 hours, you're spunky.

* If you're a 13-year-old Chelsea Clinton, the right-wing press calls you "First dog."

* If you're a 17-year old pregnant unwed daughter of a Republican, the right-wing press calls you "beautiful" and "courageous."

* If you kill an endangered species, you're an excellent hunter.

* If you have an abortion, you're a murderer (forget about if it happened while being raped.)

* If you teach abstinence only in sex education, you get teen parents.

* If you teach responsible age appropriate sex education, including the proper use of birth control, you are eroding the fiber of society.

* If you're a Republican senator who solicits gay sex in an airport bathroom, you get to return to your job in the Senate and are encouraged to run for re-election.

* If you're a Democratic Senator who is out of public office and have an affair, your political career is over and your wife who has terminal cancer is to blame.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Fun on the Web Sept 20 '08 Drive In Movies

Sad to say our local Drive In Movie is closed for the season
but you can find driveins across the USA from here:

If you are somewhere else, just take a ticket and drive in

Monday, September 15, 2008

Fun on the Web Sept 15 '08

She packs a wallop with her words!

Drill, Drill, Drill

I am having Sarah Palin nightmares. I dreamt last night that she was a member of a club where they rode snowmobiles and wore the claws of drowned and starved polar bears around their necks. I have a particular thing for Polar Bears. Maybe it's their snowy whiteness or their bigness or the fact that they live in the arctic or that I have never seen one in person or touched one. Maybe it is the fact that they live so comfortably on ice. Whatever it is, I need the polar bears.

I don't like raging at women. I am a Feminist and have spent my life trying to build community, help empower women and stop violence against them. It is hard to write about Sarah Palin. This is why the Sarah Palin choice was all the more insidious and cynical. The people who made this choice count on the goodness and solidarity of Feminists.

But everything Sarah Palin believes in and practices is antithetical to Feminism which for me is part of one story -- connected to saving the earth, ending racism, empowering women, giving young girls options, opening our minds, deepening tolerance, and ending violence and war.

I believe that the McCain/Palin ticket is one of the most dangerous choices of my lifetime, and should this country chose those candidates the fall-out may be so great, the destruction so vast in so many areas that America may never recover. But what is equally disturbing is the impact that duo would have on the rest of the world. Unfortunately, this is not a joke. In my lifetime I have seen the clownish, the inept, the bizarre be elected to the presidency with regularity.

Sarah Palin does not believe in evolution. I take this as a metaphor. In her world and the world of Fundamentalists nothing changes or gets better or evolves. She does not believe in global warming. The melting of the arctic, the storms that are destroying our cities, the pollution and rise of cancers, are all part of God's plan. She is fighting to take the polar bears off the endangered species list. The earth, in Palin's view, is here to be taken and plundered. The wolves and the bears are here to be shot and plundered. The oil is here to be taken and plundered. Iraq is here to be taken and plundered. As she said herself of the Iraqi war, "It was a task from God."

Sarah Palin does not believe in abortion. She does not believe women who are raped and incested and ripped open against their will should have a right to determine whether they have their rapist's baby or not.

She obviously does not believe in sex education or birth control. I imagine her daughter was practicing abstinence and we know how many babies that makes.

Sarah Palin does not much believe in thinking. From what I gather she has tried to ban books from the library, has a tendency to dispense with people who think independently. She cannot tolerate an environment of ambiguity and difference. This is a woman who could and might very well be the next president of the United States. She would govern one of the most diverse populations on the earth.

Sarah believes in guns. She has her own custom Austrian hunting rifle. She has been known to kill 40 caribou at a clip. She has shot hundreds of wolves from the air.
Sarah believes in God. That is of course her right, her private right. But when God and Guns come together in the public sector, when war is declared in God's name, when the rights of women are denied in his name, that is the end of separation of church and state and the undoing of everything America has ever tried to be.

I write to my sisters. I write because I believe we hold this election in our hands. This vote is a vote that will determine the future not just of the U.S., but of the planet. It will determine whether we create policies to save the earth or make it forever uninhabitable for humans. It will determine whether we move towards dialogue and diplomacy in the world or whether we escalate violence through invasion, undermining and attack. It will determine whether we go for oil, strip mining, coal burning or invest our money in alternatives that will free us from dependency and destruction. It will determine if money gets spent on education and healthcare or whether we build more and more methods of killing. It will determine whether America is a free open tolerant society or a closed place of fear, fundamentalism and aggression.

If the Polar Bears don't move you to go and do everything in your power to get Obama elected then consider the chant that filled the hall after Palin spoke at the RNC, "Drill Drill Drill." I think of teeth when I think of drills. I think of rape. I think of destruction. I think of domination. I think of military exercises that force mindless repetition, emptying the brain of analysis, doubt, ambiguity or dissent. I think of pain.

Do we want a future of drilling? More holes in the ozone, in the floor of the sea, more holes in our thinking, in the trust between nations and peoples, more holes in the fabric of this precious thing we call life?

Eve Ensler
September 5, 2008

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Fun on the Web Sept 13 '08 funny

Do you have feelings of inadequacy?

Do you suffer from shyness?

Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or Pharmacist about White Wine.

White Wine is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. White Wine can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of White Wine almost immediately and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.
Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with White Wine. White Wine may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use White Wine however women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss ofMoney, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.

The consumption of White Wine may make you think you are whispering when you are not.


The consumption of White Wine may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.


The consumption of White Wine may cause you to think you can sing.


The consumption of White Wine may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.


The consumption of White Wine may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.


The consumption of White Wine may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people



Some people are like slinkys. Not really good for anything, but still bring a smile to your face when pushed down a flight of stairs.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Fun on the Web Sept 12 '08 Scrabble quotes

Happy Birthday to my sister!


Some famous people have dabbled in Scrabble: Richard Burton, King Farouk, Omar Sharif and Mel Gibson to name a few. But there are other celebrities who, in the course of history, have uttered immortal comments which have since become part and parcel of the Scrabble player's vernacular. Many of these utterances are still heard in clubs and tournaments around the world.

SOCRATES "I have HEMLOCK but I can't get it down."

RICHARD THE THIRD (playing Henry Tudor on Bosworth Field) "Gadzooks, I'm stuck with the Q!"

ANNE BOLEYN (playing her torturer in the Tower of London) "Damn this rack! I can't get any E's."

SAINT AUGUSTINE (on his death-bed) "Did I miss something?"

MICHELANGELO "I can't make anything with these tiles".

CASANOVA "I find it hard to score with a tight board."

COUNT DRACULA "I prefer to play upside down."

WILD BILL HICKOK "Let's draw to see who goes first."

KARL MARX "I'm going to change the lot."

ALBERT EINSTEIN "Can we check the score? I think I've added up wrong."

CAPTAIN ROBERT SCOTT (playing in a tent near the South Pole) "That's life – finally you have TRIUMPH on your rack then somebody takes your spot."

HENRY FORD "I play a tight game. On my board nobody gets a bonus."

KING EDWARD VIII "I think I'll pass my turn."

DOCTOR LIVINGSTONE (playing Stanley in the Congo with E - G - I - M - P - S - Y on his rack) "I just know there's something in here somewhere."

MAE WEST (playing with Cary Grant) "If you were a gentleman, sweetie, you wouldn't have blocked my opening."

REVEREND WILLIAM SPOONER (last words) "Are there any betters left in the lag?"

ADOLF HlTLER (playing with Neville Chamberlain in Munich) "Do you mind if I take back my word?"

AL CAPONE "So? Taking out more than seven is a crime?"

HARRY HOUDINI "This board is so blocked not even I can find somewhere to go."

JACK BENNY "I just get I-O-U-I-O-U all the time?"

ARCHIE MOORE (playing Rocky Marciano in 1955) "I 'll turn you into CORKY MACARONI."

AROLD STEPTOE (playing his father) "You dirty old man! You never change! But when I dump a rackful of vowels I just pick up more rubbish."

HENRY KISSINGER (playing Nixon on the flight back from China ) "What I said, Richard, was 'Peking's in the bag, okay' not 'Peeking in the bag's okay'."

RONALD REAGAN (playing Gorbachev in Geneva) "Is it your move or mine?"

JOHN McENROE (sending back a challenge slip at Wimbledon) "You've gotta be joking! What do you mean, there's a hyphen in MOTHERF – – – – – – ?"

GEORGE BURNS "I used to play Scrabble with Gracie. It was the only way I could get a word in edgewise."

JAMES CAGNEY (caught with F-B-I-F-B-I-Q at the end of the game) "You dirty rack!"

BONES McCOY (on Star Trek): "Dammit, Jim! I'm a DOCTOR, not a Scrabble expert!"

MARIE ANTOINETTE (on being told the peasants have no bread): "Well, let them eat the Q!"

NIKITA KRUSCHEV: "We will bury you (with bingos)."

JFK: "Ask not what your rack can do for you. Ask what you can do foryour rack."

BEAVER CLEAVER: "Gosh Wally, how come you git all the blanks?"

JUNE CLEAVER: "The Beav's asleep, Ward. Let's go play strip Scrabble!"


Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Fun on the Web Sept 10 '08

Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this story:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing!

I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat.

But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5' long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...? I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it dipshit,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . . .



I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs? The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative?


A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I pooped on myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!!

P.S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it! 'If you think education is difficult, try being stupid.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Fun on the Web Sept 3 '08 funny

There were two nuns. . . .

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM: It's not working.

SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both. The man decided to follow Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical. Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank goodness you are here! Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me. SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM : And?

SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down.

And for those of you who thought this would be naughty. . . .
Two whacks across your palms with a wooden ruler.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Fun on the Web Sept 2 '08 Black & White

This was written by a black gentleman in Texas and he is
so funny. What a great sense of humor and creativity!!
Hope you enjoy this.

When I was born, I was BLACK,
When I grew up, I was BLACK,
When I went in the sun, I stayed BLACK,
When I got cold, I was BLACK,
When I was scared, I was BLACK,
When I was sick, I was BLACK,
And when I die, I'll still be BLACK.

NOW, You "white" folks...
When youi're born, you're PINK,
When you grow up, you're WHITE,
When you go in the sun, you get RED
When you're cold, you turn BLUE,
When you're scared, you're YELLOW,
When you get sick, you're GREEN,
When you bruise, you turn PURPLE,
And when you die, you look GRAY.

So who y'all callin' COLORED folks?