Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Fun on the Web Nov 22, 2011 Thanksgiving jokes

Yes, I know some are cheesy & stupid but I couldn't choose so they are all here..... snag the ones you like the most!

How did Albert Einstein celebrate Thanksgiving?
He was very thinkful.

What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?
If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!

How many cooks does it take to stuff a turkey?
One, but you really have to squeeze him in!

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked the stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy answered, "No ma'am, they're dead."

What does a Pilgrim call his best friend?
A palgrim.

Why can't you take a turkey to church?
Because they use such FOWL language.

Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk?
To try to hatchet!

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Arthur who?
Arthur any leftovers?

Teacher: "What did the Indians bring to the first Thanksgiving?"
Student: "Baseballs."
Teacher: "Baseballs?"
Student: "Yeah, they were Cleveland Indians!"

What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him.

Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Yes - a building can't jump at all.

What always comes at the end of Thangsgiving?
The letter G!

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?

A poultry farmer was experimenting to breed turkeys with more legs for greater profits. Finally, he succeeded. While narrating the results to his friends, he told them, "The turkey I bred had six legs!"
His friends who had got quite excited, eagerly asked, "What about the taste?"
The father said with a long-drawn face, "Do you think it is so easy to catch it?"

Teacher: "Why do we have a Thanksgiving holiday?"
Student: "So we know when to start Christmas shopping!"

Two pilgrims go out hunting. One has two blunderbusses (guns).
The second pilgrim asks, “Why do you have two blunderbusses?”
The first pilgrim explains, “I usually miss the first time I shoot. By taking two I can shoot again”. The second pilgrim thinks for a while and then says, “Why not just take the second one, and only shoot once?”

What do you get if you cross a pointy black hat and some leftover turkey?
A Witch-bone

What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an evil spirit?
A poultrygeist!

Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving?
The turkey, he’s already been stuffed!

What are unhappy cranberries called?

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Wilma who?
Wil Ma make lots of food again this Thanksgiving?

Why did the monster get a ticket at Thanksgiving dinner?
He was exceeding the feed limit!

What’s the best thing to put into a pumpkin pie?
Your teeth.

How To Cook A Turkey:
Step 1: Go buy a turkey
Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey
Step 3: Put turkey in the oven
Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey
Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens
Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink
Step 7: Turk the bastey
Step 8: Whiskey another bottle of get
Step 9: Ponder the meat thermometer
Step 10: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey
Step 11: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours
Step 12: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 13: Floor the turkey up off of the pick
Step 14: Turk the carvey
Step 15: Get yourself another scottle of botch
Step 16: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey
Step 17: Bless the dinner and pass out

Why didn’t the Pilgrim want to make the bread?
It’s a crummy job

What would you get if you crossed a turkey with a baked fruit dessert?
Peach gobbler!

Asked to write a composition entitled, "What I'm thankful for on Thanksgiving," a student wrote, "I am thankful that I'm not a turkey."

Why did they let the turkey join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks.
Why did the pilgrim’s pants keep falling off?
The buckle was on his hat!

What would you get if you crossed a Pilgrim with a type of cracker?
A Pilgraham!

If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for?
Their age!

Why did the police arrest the turkey?
They suspected it of fowl play!

What would you get if you crossed Thanksgiving and Easter?
Feaster Sunday!

What did the turkey say before it was roasted?
Boy! I'm stuffed!

Why was the dog chasing the band in the Thanksgiving parade?
He wanted to bury the trombones!

Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?
The outside.

Why did the Pilgrim eat a candle?
He wanted a light snack!

"I was going to serve sweet potatoes with Thanksgiving dinner, but I sat on them.
"So what are you serving now?"

Gobbler said, "Doctor, help me! I can't stop acting like a turkey!"
"I see," said the doctor. "How long have you had this problem?"
"Let me think a second. Mom laid the egg in 1954..."

Teacher: "Where did the Pilgrims come from?"
Student: "Their parents, of course!"

"You know an ancestor of mine came over on the Mayflower."
"Really? Which rat was he?"

How does a Turkey drink her wine?
In a gobble-let

What do turkeys like to do on sunny days?
They like to go on a peck-nic.

What did General Patton do on Thanksgiving?
He gave tanks.

What do turkeys use to clean themselves?
They use "feather dusters"!

What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus?
Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving.

What's black and white and red all over?
A Pilgrim with a rash!

Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey on Thanksgiving?
They couldn't get the moose in the oven!

Why did the turkey eat his meal so quickly?
Because he was a gobbler.

What was the main thing the Pilgrims did during the first winter?

Why did Johnny get such low grades after Thanksgiving?
Because everything is marked down after the holidays.

What did the monster say to the Thanksgiving turkey?
"Pleased to eat you!"

What did the little turkey say to the big turkey?
"Peck" on someone your own size!

What do you get after eating way too much turkey and dressing?
Dessert, of course!


Hope you enjoyed my fun on the web today!

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If you would like to refer back to a link or a funny, I have
added the back issues to an archive here:
http://fun-on-the-web.blogspot.com/ 2008-2011
http://more-blues.blogspot.com/ 2005-2007
http://blues-babys-rants.blogspot.com/ 2003-2004

Thanks and have a great day!

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