I planted some bird seed. A bird came up.
Now I don't know what to feed it.
I had amnesia once --
or twice.
I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart.
Now what?
Protons have mass?
I didn't even know they were Catholic.
All I ask is a chance to prove
that money can't make me happy.
If the world was a logical place,
men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle.
What is a 'free' gift?
Aren't all gifts free?
They told me I was gullible,
and I believed them.
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home
and, when he grows up,
he'll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.
Experience is the thing you have left
when everything else is gone.
One nice thing about egotists:
they don't talk about other people.
My weight is perfect for my height --
which varies.
I used to be indecisive.
Now I'm not sure.
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
How can there be self-help 'groups'?
If swimming is so good for your figure,
how do you explain whales?
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground,
and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.
Is it my imagination,
or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
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