New Perspective
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even
get into my own pants.
Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess' on it.
So I said 'Implants?' She hit me.
How come we choose from just two people to run for
president and over fifty for Miss America ?
I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear
loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing,
I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
When I was young we used to go 'skinny dipping,' now
I just 'chunky dunk.'
Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be
able to tell the difference.
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life
we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?
Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school,
but they can in prison?
Wouldn't you know it.... Brain cells come and brain cells
go, but FAT cells live forever.
Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the
Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?
Bumper sticker of the year:
'If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in
English, thank a soldier'
And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The
closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Fun on the Web July 29 '08 Coffee Machine
This is neat. I don't know how folks figure all this stuff out.
Enjoy.
1. CLICK ON THE LINK (COFFEE MACHINE BELOW)
2. PUT THE COIN IN THE VENDING MACHINE
3. CHOOSE YOUR DRINK
4. CLICK ON THE CUP WHEN IT IS READY
5. CLICK ON 'OPEN' ENJOY!
Don't forget to click on 'OPEN' !!!
COFFEE MACHINE LINK
http://www.cartoline.it/pics/_zoom_flash.htm?immagine=scherzi_150404_01.swf
Enjoy.
1. CLICK ON THE LINK (COFFEE MACHINE BELOW)
2. PUT THE COIN IN THE VENDING MACHINE
3. CHOOSE YOUR DRINK
4. CLICK ON THE CUP WHEN IT IS READY
5. CLICK ON 'OPEN' ENJOY!
Don't forget to click on 'OPEN' !!!
COFFEE MACHINE LINK
http://www.cartoline.it/pics/_zoom_flash.htm?immagine=scherzi_150404_01.swf
Monday, July 28, 2008
Fun on the Web July 28 '08 Joke
The couple were 85 years old, and had been married
for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they
managed to get by because they watched their pennies.
Though not young, they were both in very good health,
largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods
and exercise for the last decade.
One day, their good health didn't help when they went
on a rare vacation and their plane crashed, sending
them off to Heaven.
They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted
them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion,
furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked
kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid
could be seen hanging their favorite clothes in the closet.
They gasped in astonishment when he said, 'Welcome
to Heaven. This will be your home now.'
The old man asked Peter how much all this was going
to cost. 'Why, nothing,' Peter replied, 'remember, this
is your reward in Heaven.'
The old man looked out the window and right there he
saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful
than any ever built on Earth. 'What are the greens fees?,'
grumbled the old man.
'This is heaven,' St. Peter replied. 'You can play for free,
every day.'
Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish
buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out
before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic deserts,
free flowing beverages.
'Don't even ask,' said St. Peter to the man. This is
Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy.'
The old man looked around and glanced nervously
at his wife.
'Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods,
and the decaffeinated tea?,' he asked.
'That's the best part,' St. Peter replied. 'You can eat
and drink as much as you like of whatever you like,
and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!'
The old man pushed, 'No gym to work out at?'
'Not unless you want to,' was the answer.
'No testing my sugar or blood pressure or...'
'Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself.'
The old man glared at his wife and said, 'You and
your bran muffins. We could have been here ten
years ago!'
for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they
managed to get by because they watched their pennies.
Though not young, they were both in very good health,
largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods
and exercise for the last decade.
One day, their good health didn't help when they went
on a rare vacation and their plane crashed, sending
them off to Heaven.
They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted
them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion,
furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked
kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid
could be seen hanging their favorite clothes in the closet.
They gasped in astonishment when he said, 'Welcome
to Heaven. This will be your home now.'
The old man asked Peter how much all this was going
to cost. 'Why, nothing,' Peter replied, 'remember, this
is your reward in Heaven.'
The old man looked out the window and right there he
saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful
than any ever built on Earth. 'What are the greens fees?,'
grumbled the old man.
'This is heaven,' St. Peter replied. 'You can play for free,
every day.'
Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish
buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out
before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic deserts,
free flowing beverages.
'Don't even ask,' said St. Peter to the man. This is
Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy.'
The old man looked around and glanced nervously
at his wife.
'Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods,
and the decaffeinated tea?,' he asked.
'That's the best part,' St. Peter replied. 'You can eat
and drink as much as you like of whatever you like,
and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!'
The old man pushed, 'No gym to work out at?'
'Not unless you want to,' was the answer.
'No testing my sugar or blood pressure or...'
'Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself.'
The old man glared at his wife and said, 'You and
your bran muffins. We could have been here ten
years ago!'
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Fun on the Web July 27 '08 Obit
Sad death...
Please join me in remembering a great icon
of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury
Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection
and trauma complications from repeated pokes
in the belly. He was 71.
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin.
Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their
respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry
Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the
Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The
grave site was piled high with flours.
Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly
described Doughboy as a man who never knew
how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose
quickly in show business, but his later life was
filled with turnovers. He was not considered a
very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough
on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little
flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and
was consid ered a positive roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough,
three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and
Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He
is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
If this made you smile for even a brief second,
please rise to the occasion and take time to
pass it on and share that smile with someone
else who may be having a crumby day and
kneads a lift.
Please join me in remembering a great icon
of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury
Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection
and trauma complications from repeated pokes
in the belly. He was 71.
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin.
Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their
respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry
Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the
Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The
grave site was piled high with flours.
Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly
described Doughboy as a man who never knew
how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose
quickly in show business, but his later life was
filled with turnovers. He was not considered a
very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough
on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little
flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and
was consid ered a positive roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough,
three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and
Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He
is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
If this made you smile for even a brief second,
please rise to the occasion and take time to
pass it on and share that smile with someone
else who may be having a crumby day and
kneads a lift.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Fun on the Web July 26 '08 Use Gmail
6 More Reasons to Use Gmail
http://socialwebtools.info/2008/07/22/6-reasons-to-switch-to-gmail/#comments
http://socialwebtools.info/2008/07/22/6-reasons-to-switch-to-gmail/#comments
Friday, July 25, 2008
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Fun on the Web July 24 '08 Quote
James Bond has a license to kill, rockstars have a
license to be outrageous. Rock is about grabbing
people's attention. ~~ Gene Simmons
license to be outrageous. Rock is about grabbing
people's attention. ~~ Gene Simmons
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